Our mission at
Donut Church is to compromise the true Gospel of Jesus
Christ and His holy and most high standard all in the name of reaching
people and growing the largest church in town. To do this we are
thoroughly committed to quenching the Holy Spirit, attending the latest
church growth seminar, and polling people who are totally uninterested
in God or unqualified to lead a church. With the Holy Spirit officially
out of the way, we will have no other choice but to use this polling
data to adjust our church policy, our church services, and even our
church doctrine to accommodate the seeker and casual church attender.
In the end, this formula will be successful in accomplishing a threefold
phenomenon. We will simultaneously be the largest, the wealthiest, and
yet the most lukewarm church in every town we affect. We will look to
our numbers and our wealth and call it revival. The remnant church will
look to the dangerous tepidness of our members and call it the great
falling away.
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