Saturday, February 26, 2005

Religion Commparison

A Comparison Of Religious Theories
  • 7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
  • Agnosticism - It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.
  • Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
  • Anglican - They were our toys first.
  • Apathy - Toys? Why do I need toys?
  • Apostolic Faith (Oneness Movement) - There is only one toy, and it is in our church.
  • Assembly of God -It doesn't matter how you play with the toys as long as more people join in with you.
  • Atheism - There is no toy maker.
  • B’Hai - All toys are just fine with us.
  • Baptist - Once played, always played.
  • Branch Davidians - He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
  • Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins.
  • Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
  • Church of Christ - He whose toys make music, loses.
  • Church of Christ, Scientist - We are the toys.
  • Church of Scientology - Toys ‘R’ Us.
  • Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to the opposite of heaven if we catch you selling ours.
  • Confusianism - Once a toy is dipped in water, it is no longer dry.
  • Crystal Cathedral - There are no bad toys, and no bad toy players.
  • Evolutionism - The toys made themselves.
  • Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination.
  • Greek Orthodox - No, they were OURS first.
  • Hari Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins.
  • Hedonism - To heck with the rulebook. Let’s play!
  • Hinduism - He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.
  • Jehovah's Witnesses - He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
  • Liberalism - I feel good playing with toys, don't you? That is why I know I am going to heaven
  • Lutheranism -- We are justified by toys alone through play (and not by work, lest anyone should boast).
  • Methodist - Toys are toys are toys.
  • Mormonism - Every boy may have as many toys as he wants.
  • Name-it-Claim-it - I have toys. I have toys. I have toys. I have toys. I have toys. I have toys. I have toys.
  • Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them.
  • Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins.
  • Polytheism - There are many toy makers.
  • Presbyterian- These toys were chosen for you to play with and these were chosen for me to play.
  • Republicans - If you don't repeal this tax on all toys, you will go to hell.
  • Taoism - The doll is as important as the dump truck.
  • Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second...
  • Witchcraft - Toy making is killing our Earth Goddess.
  • Word of Faith - Send me $100 and I will tell you "How you TOO can have more toys."

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Sunday, February 20, 2005


New Store Items

Including the GM spin on the Annual Conference logo, there are a few new designs and products available in the GM store.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005


What Did Jesus Say?

According to the Bible…
God created man 6,000 years ago.
God gave man “Free Will” so man could choose between good and evil.
There was only one catch…
You see, God made a big point of not giving man the knowledge to distinguish good from evil.
He only gave that to apples.

Do you know the New Testament?
Or do you only think you do?

Try this quiz.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Baby Got Book

I like big Bibles I can not lie,
You Christian brothers can't deny,
When a girl walks in with a KJV
And a bookmark in proverbs, You get stoked.

It got a name engraved,
you know this girl has been saved
It looks like one of those large ones,
With plenty of space in the margins,
Oh baby, I want to read it with you,
Because your Bible has got pictures,
My minister tried to console me,
But the book you've got makes me so Holy.

Check out the video.

Monday, February 07, 2005

What About Waldo

Notable or Notorious

In case you think you've found everyone in the previous post here's a list (let us know if you think the list is incomplete) of people you can find. And there's extra credit if you find which person we accidentally cloned and decapitated (sorry about that).
  • Chris Douglas (Director of Youth & Young Adults)
  • Lerry Fogle (Annual Conference Executive Director)
  • Bob Gross (On Earth Peace Co-Executive Director)
  • Delmas Keeney (Executive Director of Congregational Life Ministries)
  • Mervin Keeney (Executive Director of Global Mission Partnerships)
  • Merlyn Kettering (New Sudan Council of Churches strategic advisor, Kenya)
  • Judy Keyser (Chief Financial Officer/Treasurer)
  • Dan McFadden (Director of Brethren Volunteer Service)
  • Wendy McFadden (Executive Director and publisher of Brethren Press)
  • Craig Alan Myers (Assistant Editor of BRF WITNESS)
  • Stanley Noffsinger (General secretary)
  • Wil Nolen (BBT President)
  • Walt Wiltschek (Editor of Messenger)
  • Roy Winter (Executive Director of Brethren Service Center, New Windsor)
  • Waldo
Answers provided upon request.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Where is Merlyn Kettering

Where's Merlyn?

Can you find Meryln (and several other Brethren staff)?


Not An Omen

While groundhogs are known for predicting the end of winter and robins are a harbinger of spring, the Stewardship of Property Committee insists that any Orioles migrating from Chicago are no indication of their leanings on the subject of future locations for the Church of the Brethren headquarters.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005


Pontius Puddle to Quit Messenger
Frosty Flap Widens

In an act of solidarity with fellow cartoon character Frosty the Snowman, Pontius Puddle has given notice that he will not renew his contract with the Church of the Brethren magazine Messenger when the contract expires later this year. Puddle has appeared in the magazine for several years but says this will be his last because of the blatant hostility displayed toward a cartoon character in the denomination’s nationally broadcast Christmas Eve service on CBS. “After I heard about it, I decided it was time to take a stand against that kind of hate-speech,” said the frog. “I don’t know Frosty personally, but I respect his work and he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way – and by a church, no less!”

Puddle’s move has left Walt Wiltschek, editor of Messenger, scrambling to look for a replacement. Wiltschek told reporters, “We’ve put out feeler thingies but, frankly, we aren’t very popular in the cartoon character community right now. We did hear from Sluggo, the tough kid with a buzz cut in the old ‘Nancy’ comic strip, but we aren’t sure he is a good fit for us, since pacifists we are. For now, we'll keep looking.”

In a related development, more than 150 members of the Cartoon Actors Guild took out a full page ad in Christianity Today to voice their protest of the treatment Frosty received in the Brethren broadcast. The CAG is calling for the National Council of Churches (of which the Church of the Brethren is a member) to issue a formal reprimand. Among those who signed the protest were well-known characters Snoopy, the Roadrunner, Barney Rubble and Betty Boop.