Gospel Messenger: 2015

Our mission at Donut Church is to compromise the true Gospel of Jesus Christ and His holy and most high standard all in the name of reaching people and growing the largest church in town. To do this we are thoroughly committed to quenching the Holy Spirit, attending the latest church growth seminar, and polling people who are totally uninterested in God or unqualified to lead a church. With the Holy Spirit officially out of the way, we will have no other choice but to use this polling data to adjust our church policy, our church services, and even our church doctrine to accommodate the seeker and casual church attender. In the end, this formula will be successful in accomplishing a threefold phenomenon. We will simultaneously be the largest, the wealthiest, and yet the most lukewarm church in every town we affect. We will look to our numbers and our wealth and call it revival. The remnant church will look to the dangerous tepidness of our members and call it the great falling away.