Sources close to God reported Thursday that the Creator of the
Universe and Author of Our Eternal Salvation suffered a crippling bout
of existential dread this week, lying awake all night as He pondered His
own immortality.
Anxiously drumming His fingers, the all-powerful
being was reportedly unable to sleep as His mind raced with thoughts of
the unfathomable nature of eternity, the relentless expansion of space
and time, and His own never-ending existence.
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