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Song Of Solomon Sweetheart Candies

Everyone knows that the best way to show your love to your significant other is to hand them a heart candy with words on it.

Now even Christians can partake in this beloved Valentine's Day tradition with these new candies emblazoned with messages straight from Song of Solomon.

"Your spouse will swoon upon reading that her teeth are like a flock of sheep or that her nose is like a giant tower," said the CEO of Solomonhearts, David Meyers. "It's a foolproof way to let her know how beautiful she is and how much you love her."

"Note: not actually foolproof and we do not guarantee any swooning."

Messages include touching, romantic poetry like the following:

• Hey, tower neck!
• Ur breasts = fawns
• Ur teeth are sheep
• You have goat hair
• Ur legs = marble pillars
• Pardon me but your goblet is showing
• Ur tower nose is hawt

The candies will only be sold to those with a valid marriage certificate so as to avoid encouraging fornication.

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