Controversy Follows NYC Site

In spite of the speaker's values, which we hope liberals and conservatives alike can both agree are not fitting with the Church of the Brethren's pacifist history, there have been no calls from any corners to boycott the presentation at Colorado State University's Moby Arena on November 6th.

Book Review

Dunk the dead by lightning in a cold water bath for two hours and if still dead, add vinegar and soak for an hour more.

Long story short, I imagined the Inglenook Cookbook to be almost unobtainable; yet when I started looking, I found the 1911 version still being published, unrevised. My copy finally came today and looking through it is like trip, trip, tripping through a long, dead past. Not only does the cookbook have recipes for things that need animal feet, whole-split calf heads, something called 'prune whip', and from what I can tell, a dessert called Silver Pudding with Gold Dressing which is nothing more then beaten egg whites covered in yolk, it also has a recipe section for taking care of the sick. Need a recipe for toast soaked in hot water and strained to help settle your stomach? I got it. Need something to dab on that nasty rattlesnake bite? Got that too. The amazing part of this book is it's history as a collection of recipes from the sisters of the Church of the Brethren, a liberal offshoot of the German Baptist faith. Anyway, there might not be any cures for death by lightning in it's pages, but the book is an honest to god, real thing. The closest we have, I think, to some actual witchy juju. I'm so cooking diner this weekend.

Two Stars from the Left-Handed Reviewer

I saw Mutual Kumquat and Reliant K at NYC. I loved Reliant K.

October 2002 General Board Meeting Update

Facing present realities, the General Board turned to a "Reduced Resources Program Scenario" in constructing its comprehensive plan at its October 12-15 meetings in Elgin. An operating deficit of nearly $800,000 through September was reported; a plunge which could drain away nearly a third of the agency's General Programs net asset reserves. Treasurer Judy Keyser termed the financial situation for 2002 and coming years as "not a rosy picture" meaning that the financial situation was akin to a submarine with a screen door. Meanwhile, to help shore up any leaks, the board has approved expenditures of up to $1.4 million. And in other news, the general secretary search committee hopes to call a candidate in time for consideration at the March board meeting, allowing a new general secretary to be in place in time to witness the "resource reductions."

Gospel Messenger Privacy Policy

Except for what you submit to us, we do not collect any personally identifiable information, including e-mail addresses. On pages where personally identifiable information has been submitted, a seemingly unrelated link may be provided.

When you visit this website, we do not bother to collect general information such as your browser type, operating system, and the domain from which you came. With any luck, you're able to read most of what we have posted. Such information would have only been used in aggregate and could help us better manage the site, but we have day jobs.

Also, attending events which are routinely covered by denominational communication staff gives permission for the Church of the Brethren and its related agencies to use your photograph in online coverage. It is this coverage which we here at the Gospel Messenger tend to exploit.

Mission Monkeys

Inspired by the success of the Rally Monkey for the Angels baseball team, members of the Church of the Brethren are being encourage to bring "Mission Monkey" stuffed animals to Church on Global Mission Sunday. Imagine your congregation filled with people swinging monkeys around showing their support for our brothers and sisters in Brazil, Sudan, and Costa Rica. There is nothing wrong with our mission program that a good gimic won't cure.

Farewell Mr. Songman

Anyone who grew up in the 70's surely remembers those hilarious Slim Whitman TV commercials...as kids we had never heard of Slim Whitman, but here was this yodeling cowboy who claimed to have sold more records than anyone in the world! According to Slim Whitman Collector's International he "has sold 70,000,000 records world wide and has wall to wall gold, platinum and double platinum records. His television marketed LP "All My Best" sold 4,000,000 units which is a TV marketing record. Slim is noted to be one of the world's greatest yodelers and has a range of over 3 octaves." That's so weird, because in all our years of collecting, we've never met one person who admits to owning a Slim Whitman album! Slim most recently gained national attention in Tim Burton's sci-fi comedy remake of Mars Attacks. Slim's rendition of "Indian Love Song" was found to be the only weapon that would destroy the alien invaders. Playing this song in the presence of aliens caused their heads to explode! And need we mention it? Slim is Brethren!

The Power of the Purse

NEARLY ONE-THIRD OF THE MICHIGAN COB CONGREGATIONS HAVE CHOSEN TO WITHHOLD CONTRIBUTIONS to the District. Michigan District, already in difficult circumstances, has 22 congregations. The "power of the purse" often has a sobering effect on those who would take the Church of the Brethren in unbiblical directions.

It's also been said that a delegate to another District Conference spoke of how much money a specific congregation has given to the District. Is this what it has come down to ... money?

"A friend of mine calls this 'lawlessness.' Why should any congregation heed the larger denomination?"

[Ah... the irony - The Editors]

A Letter About the Letter to Dr. Laura

When I read the response to Dr. Laura I was offended at the mockery aimed at the writings in Leviticus. Apparently the writer didn't realize that these rules were written for a specific people at a specific time in history when these people needed these laws to bring them closer to their understanding and obedience to their God. Of course, those kinds of standards don't apply to us today. Why make fun of them?!

If one follows this logic sent in to Dr. Laura, we would belittle the 10 Commandments and we would all be "doing it to one another before they do it to us"! We would be ridiculing the beauty of the creation story. We would be laughing at the prophetic statements of Isaiah. We would be calling Jesus' statement of coming to fulfill the law a bunch of hogwash. Need I say more?

This philosophy of ridicule is destructive to a philosophy which has held people together for generations.

Thank you for letting me "voice" my feelings!

[The note above wasn't written in response to our posting - The Editors]

A Letter to Dr. Laura

Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality. Recently, she said that as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned in any circumstance.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet:

______________________________________________

Dear Dr. Laura

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
   
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
   
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell ? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
   
4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
   
5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
   
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
   
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some room for negotiation here?
   
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
   
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if wear gloves?
   
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
    

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,_______________________________________________________

Posters For Sale

The posters are the product of Micah Ian Wright who is not affiliated with the Gospel Messenger. But they're nifty posters with an anti-war and anti-authority theme.

No Name Change

After much hand wringing and hair pulling and with much fanfare, the Gospel Messenger announces that it has no plans to change its name.

However, you can watch for changes and new postings by using the ChangeDetection monitor found in the right column of this web page.

251 Stars!

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Smoke 'em If You Got 'em

Once again the Southeastern District Board is calling on their district youth to boycott a Brethren event. This time around, they've asked the district's youth to boycott District Conference at "inclusive" Mars Hill College because Conference planners moved the location away from the conservative Johnson Bible College.

George Carlin Quote:

“What’s all the fuss about same-sex marriages? I’ve been the same sex all my life, and I was married for years. No problem. What’s the big deal?”

Who Says Opposites Attract?

The issue of homosexuality is not the only issue of disagreement in the Church of the Brethren. While the national General Board staff invoke Luke 10:25-37, and wail for an end of sanctions against the people of Iraq, the Brethren Revival Fellowship appear to be saying that our government should continue to cause suffering for the Iraqi people until such a time as Saddam Hussein's compassion for his people should become more apparent than our own.

(And when's the last time that the national staff had a biblical reasoning behind their actions and the BRF didn't? - the Editors)

Manifest Destiny?

Jim Yaussy Albright, District Executive of the Illinois/Wisconsin District announced today that congregations that forfeit leadership within the district of South/Central Indiana District would be invited to join the Illinois/Wisconsin District. "Due to the closing of several congregations over the past few years we could use some additional leadership here." When concerns were raised about the ability of these new leaders to attend meetings, Jim pointed out that most people don't go to most of the meetings anyway.

Those who think that the Illinois/Wisconsin District should stay within it's geographical boundaries are reminded that the district is following the lead of the Atlantic Northeast District which includes a congregation in Maine, and the Pennsylvania Southern District which includes a congregation in Vermont.

The Illinois/Wisconsin District is also claiming Kentucky, which will be an issue at the Ohio Southern District Conference, October 11 and 12th.

YAC

The Gospel Messenger would like to remind you to sign up for next spring's Young Adult Conference.

May 23-25, 2003
Camp Eder, Fairfield, Pennsylvania
"Being Brethren in Today's Culture"
Leader: Shawn Replogle
Cost: $80

Register early, as only the first 2,000 registration will be accepted. Shawn Replogle indicated that the sudden popularity of YAC is not due to his leadership, and that he doesn't expect many of the conference attenders to join BVS unit #255 which has been renamed the "Replogle Unit" after the amazing demand for units with ties to famous Brethren leaders. Shawn insists that his fifteen minutes of fame are long over, and that today's young adults are the real hero's within the church.

What's Going On Here?

Tired of having to check our site every hour to see whether we've posted something new? If you'd like to get an email message notifying you when something's been posted, enter your email address in the box on the right and click the OK button. We're using a service provided by ChangeDetection, and initial tests have shown it to be useful. And once you've started monitoring this web page, you can add other pages to your watch list too.

BVS Loses All Credibility at NOAC

Former BVSer Chris Brown demonstrates his
talent for blowing up a rubber glove while it's
on his head.



(We love you Chris - the Editors)

Apologies to Brian Murphy at the San Franciso Chronicle

The following is the Gospel Messenger's paraphrase of a column in the San Franciso Chronicle:

Now, we can't avoid it any longer. It appears the elephant in the living room isn't going away; he's ordering pizza and settling in.

Should [we] have a [questionable] member? In an egalitarian world, yes. It is the 21st century, in case [anyone] has failed to check [their] Farmer's Almanac. And the spread of diversity, in a newsroom, classroom or boardroom, has never hurt life experience. Usually, it enriches. Moreover, as a fellow journalist pointed out, in the ledgers of social history, intolerance has never fared too well. Some have said that including an inevitably rich and well-connected [questionable person] to an already rich and well-connected membership is not worth debating, pointing out this is not about Rosa Parks trying to sit in the front of a bus. True enough. But symbols are important. [The larger group] invites the world to its [calling] and its [big event] every year. The idea that a [child] of mine [might] never have the chance to join the [larger group] that hosts it is, frankly, a tad irksome.

All that said, consider the issue. Voting rights and domestic partners' health benefits are issues of considerable weight. But is this? There exists underneath [this liberal] battle cry a hint of forced morality that feels dangerous.

America has taken on a homogenous tone of late, the undercurrent being: If you don't think the way I think, I will browbeat you until you do. Force-feeding social ethics is a risky business. The great writer Bob Verdi wrote that if a [group] can't choose its own members -- old, young, male, female, [straight, alternative] -- then where can you go to get away from everybody? Precisely.

What was it a great American once said? I may not agree with the prevalence of men's rest rooms at your golf club, but I will defend to my death your right to have them.

Brian Murphy, San Francisco Chronicle Staff Writer

Rock'em Sock'em Acronyms
VOS vs. BRF

In the far left corner we have "Voices for an Open Spirit", represented by James H. Lehman.

And in the far right corner we have the "Brethren Revival Fellowship", represented by Craig Alan Myers.

Both views are online, but are the sides talking to each other or just reacting to each other? In either case, it's entertaining.

NOAC Letter

Boy, all I can say is I'm sure glad I'm not from the Southeastern District! This will be my first NOAC (at age 50 years and 2 weeks), and I certainly don't plan to go to all the sessions. I mean, after all, I have to take naps sometime, since I'm old now.

Speaking of boycotts, we just learned this evening where the usage of that word comes from. You can find it at http://www.web.net/~procott/page5.html.

Leadership Recruitment Event

The South/Central Indiana District will have a recruiting booth at the upcoming Juniata College Job Fair.

Nothing at Juniata is Homo Anything

I am writing to protest the Gospel Messenger's reporting of the flawed Princeton Review. We are not homogeneous. Only 91% of us are Caucasian. Juniata is also host to many foreign exchange students who are fun to hang out with and make daily life interesting. We are a diverse group and I defy you to find anybody at Juniata who would say any differently.

- Dolly