Introducing the iCob, the mp3 player for plain folk.
Playing Music: Peacefully, Simply, Together
Please check out the Gospel Messenger Store.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
iCobnook Cookbook
iCob
Introducing the iCob, the mp3 player for plain folk.
Playing Music: Peacefully, Simply, Together
Please check out the Gospel Messenger Store.
Introducing the iCob, the mp3 player for plain folk.
Playing Music: Peacefully, Simply, Together
Please check out the Gospel Messenger Store.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Noffsinger Speech
Speaking at a recent event, Stanley Noffsinger related the following anecdote, "As I was coming in I felt a little tug at my jacket and I looked and there was a little girl maybe 8 or 10 in her first party dress and she said, 'Because of you I want to be General Secretary someday.' And I just - well, that didn't actually happen. Awwww, but it could have."
Speaking at a recent event, Stanley Noffsinger related the following anecdote, "As I was coming in I felt a little tug at my jacket and I looked and there was a little girl maybe 8 or 10 in her first party dress and she said, 'Because of you I want to be General Secretary someday.' And I just - well, that didn't actually happen. Awwww, but it could have."
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Cobdoku 1
Cobdoku
Complete the grid so that every row, column and 3x3 box contains each of the nine Brethren related logos.
Bonus: Identify each of the logos.
Complete the grid so that every row, column and 3x3 box contains each of the nine Brethren related logos.
Bonus: Identify each of the logos.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Hebron Delegation
Hebron Delegation Rocks the World
It's December 14, 2005, and the January 2006 co-sponsored On Earth Peace-Christian Peacemaker Teams delegation to Hebron isn't even yet packing their bags. However, Claire Evans, delegations coordinator for CPT, shared in a candid interview that "This group is going to rock the Middle East like it's never been rocked before."
Although she hasn't actually met many of the delegation members, Evans reports that twelve of the delegation's fifteen members are associated with the Church of the Brethren, "and we all know they kick ass -- Domination System ass, that is."
Bob Gross, co-director of On Earth Peace and delegation leader, was unavailable for comment.
Rumor confirmed: Delegation intends to end occupation
Sources close to the January Middle East Peace delegation sponsored by On Earth Peace and Christian Peacemaker Teams confirmed today that the real purpose of the trip is to end the occupation of Palestine and bring peace to the region and security to Israel. Delegation leader Bob Gross remains unavailable for comment, but the group's spiritual leader, known only as Subcomandante Hay-Soos, has advised the group to overcome evil with good and to love their enemies if they find any.
Further details will be forthcoming at a later date, according to un-named but authoritative sources.
It's December 14, 2005, and the January 2006 co-sponsored On Earth Peace-Christian Peacemaker Teams delegation to Hebron isn't even yet packing their bags. However, Claire Evans, delegations coordinator for CPT, shared in a candid interview that "This group is going to rock the Middle East like it's never been rocked before."
Although she hasn't actually met many of the delegation members, Evans reports that twelve of the delegation's fifteen members are associated with the Church of the Brethren, "and we all know they kick ass -- Domination System ass, that is."
Bob Gross, co-director of On Earth Peace and delegation leader, was unavailable for comment.
Rumor confirmed: Delegation intends to end occupation
Sources close to the January Middle East Peace delegation sponsored by On Earth Peace and Christian Peacemaker Teams confirmed today that the real purpose of the trip is to end the occupation of Palestine and bring peace to the region and security to Israel. Delegation leader Bob Gross remains unavailable for comment, but the group's spiritual leader, known only as Subcomandante Hay-Soos, has advised the group to overcome evil with good and to love their enemies if they find any.
Further details will be forthcoming at a later date, according to un-named but authoritative sources.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
How Low Can You Go?
Pope to Change D&D Cosmology
Vatican City (Reuters): The Pope is set to abolish the concept of Limbo, overturning a belief held by Dungeons & Dragons players since Gary Gygax first described the cosmology of the game in the Players Handbook in 1978.
Read more...
Vatican City (Reuters): The Pope is set to abolish the concept of Limbo, overturning a belief held by Dungeons & Dragons players since Gary Gygax first described the cosmology of the game in the Players Handbook in 1978.
Read more...
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Thursday, November 10, 2005
PlugNPray
New Software Titles from Brethren Press
Do you need to change religion to grab the chance for a career outlook? Are you going to work abroad? Getting a new customized god is easy with Plug'n'Pray. A new spirituality and a new respectability can be yours at a mouse click.
Religious Gurus from all over the world compiled these kits for you. Religious and cultural habits are fully illustrated: audio and video files will teach you everything about prayers, mortification and purification rituals, as well as ready to use supplications, special formulas and sacred functions.
A variety of Plug'n'Pray kits will soon be available through Brethren Press.
Do you need to change religion to grab the chance for a career outlook? Are you going to work abroad? Getting a new customized god is easy with Plug'n'Pray. A new spirituality and a new respectability can be yours at a mouse click.
Religious Gurus from all over the world compiled these kits for you. Religious and cultural habits are fully illustrated: audio and video files will teach you everything about prayers, mortification and purification rituals, as well as ready to use supplications, special formulas and sacred functions.
A variety of Plug'n'Pray kits will soon be available through Brethren Press.
Friday, October 28, 2005
UNSmurfs
Brethren Mission Delegation
A Church of the Brethren delegation, organized by the Church of the Brethren General Board's Brethren Witness office, heads to the Smurf Village next week. The delegation is taking with them a pile of Davey and Goliath videos and a spirit of understanding between Christian and Smurf cartoons.
The tentative schedule includes briefings by the Smurf Council of Churches and other leaders, visits in and around Smurf Village, and dialog with clergy and church members in the cities. They will also be delivering the 2,800-plus greeting cards created by Brethren congregations, groups, and individuals. More than 50 congregations sent cards.
The trip had been in the works long before the attack on the Smurf Village but has taken on added significance since then. The Church of the Brethren has also been active in providing emergency disaster assistance and hunger relief to the Smurf Village.
Also, during the recent General Board meetings, a new mission initiative has been created.
"We have affirmed a major new mission in the Smurf Village," said General Board chair Glenn Mitchell at board meetings Oct. 15-17 in Elgin, Ill. The new mission was approved in concept during a meeting focused on "Smurfed Together, Finely Woven: That Your Hearts May Be Encouraged," a theme taken from Colossians 2:1-3. Lively and intense worship experiences marked the meeting, with closing worship led in Smurf and English by board member Jaime Diaz, a pastor from Puerto Rico.
Smurf Mission Initiative:
The General Board accepted a proposal for a new Church of the Brethren mission initiative to the Smurf Village and approved it "as a concept for implementation and development." "There is new opportunity to walk with the Smurfs in a healing and reconciling way, and to smurf together to rebuild their land," said the proposal for the new mission.
A Church of the Brethren delegation, organized by the Church of the Brethren General Board's Brethren Witness office, heads to the Smurf Village next week. The delegation is taking with them a pile of Davey and Goliath videos and a spirit of understanding between Christian and Smurf cartoons.
The tentative schedule includes briefings by the Smurf Council of Churches and other leaders, visits in and around Smurf Village, and dialog with clergy and church members in the cities. They will also be delivering the 2,800-plus greeting cards created by Brethren congregations, groups, and individuals. More than 50 congregations sent cards.
The trip had been in the works long before the attack on the Smurf Village but has taken on added significance since then. The Church of the Brethren has also been active in providing emergency disaster assistance and hunger relief to the Smurf Village.Also, during the recent General Board meetings, a new mission initiative has been created.
"We have affirmed a major new mission in the Smurf Village," said General Board chair Glenn Mitchell at board meetings Oct. 15-17 in Elgin, Ill. The new mission was approved in concept during a meeting focused on "Smurfed Together, Finely Woven: That Your Hearts May Be Encouraged," a theme taken from Colossians 2:1-3. Lively and intense worship experiences marked the meeting, with closing worship led in Smurf and English by board member Jaime Diaz, a pastor from Puerto Rico.
Smurf Mission Initiative:
The General Board accepted a proposal for a new Church of the Brethren mission initiative to the Smurf Village and approved it "as a concept for implementation and development." "There is new opportunity to walk with the Smurfs in a healing and reconciling way, and to smurf together to rebuild their land," said the proposal for the new mission.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
HomeChurching
Home Churching Your Kids
A new trend in the religious upbringing of children is steadily becoming more prevalent within the Church of the Brethren. "Home-churching," the individual, family-based worship of Jesus Christ, is steadily gaining in popularity, as more parents seek an alternative to what they consider the overly humanist content of organized worship.
Home-churchers create their own services, emphasizing close readings of Old Testament books led by a parent, and sermons that often exceed two hours. Proponents of home-churching argue that, when handed down by family members, biblical teachings take on a more direct, personal meaning. Additionally, they say home-churching reinforces familial bonds.
A new trend in the religious upbringing of children is steadily becoming more prevalent within the Church of the Brethren. "Home-churching," the individual, family-based worship of Jesus Christ, is steadily gaining in popularity, as more parents seek an alternative to what they consider the overly humanist content of organized worship.
Home-churchers create their own services, emphasizing close readings of Old Testament books led by a parent, and sermons that often exceed two hours. Proponents of home-churching argue that, when handed down by family members, biblical teachings take on a more direct, personal meaning. Additionally, they say home-churching reinforces familial bonds.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Monday, October 10, 2005
Prayer to the God of all ages
OH, LORD…
...Whoever and wherever you may or may not be, God of all ages, races, creeds, colors, astrological coordinates and gender specifications; one God, or perhaps three, or maybe a whole lot more; God of many names, You know who You are, we pray that You, or at least a two-thirds majority of You, look down upon us with favor, forgive us the sins we have committed against You and your creation, or if it turns out we created You, forgive us for that.
Grant that we may grow in grace. Walk in wisdom and abide in love, hewing ever close to the examples set forth in the scriptures of world culture, which may or may not have been inspired by You or Someone like You.
Deliver us from ourselves, that we may know complete satisfaction or return the unused portion, and increase our faith in the hereafter and whatever's here after that, fulfilling the promise of redemption given to Your Chosen People and other people chosen as alternatives, that on the Day of Non-Judgementalism we may enter the gates of eternity and find at last, the true mates for all of our socks.
Amen and women, too.
...Whoever and wherever you may or may not be, God of all ages, races, creeds, colors, astrological coordinates and gender specifications; one God, or perhaps three, or maybe a whole lot more; God of many names, You know who You are, we pray that You, or at least a two-thirds majority of You, look down upon us with favor, forgive us the sins we have committed against You and your creation, or if it turns out we created You, forgive us for that.
Grant that we may grow in grace. Walk in wisdom and abide in love, hewing ever close to the examples set forth in the scriptures of world culture, which may or may not have been inspired by You or Someone like You.
Deliver us from ourselves, that we may know complete satisfaction or return the unused portion, and increase our faith in the hereafter and whatever's here after that, fulfilling the promise of redemption given to Your Chosen People and other people chosen as alternatives, that on the Day of Non-Judgementalism we may enter the gates of eternity and find at last, the true mates for all of our socks.
Amen and women, too.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
COBSF
Planet of the Love Feast"The planet around them was alien; the star-charts claimed it was Earth-type G, but semi-desert. The crash landing had been unfortunate. But the planet had seemed beautiful and inviting from space, even though they had landed in a desert, bordered by distant mountains. It would be an easy matter to get to more pleasant surroundings and begin a life on this virgin world.So begins "Planet of the Love Feast," the first novel of the new line of science fiction titles to be published by Brethren Press.
Darkness had fallen a few hours earlier and Jon Crayford built a campfire from the wood sections of the small space car that had brought them there.
He looked at his lone companion. He couldn't have made a better choice. She would surely be an inviting companion in the coming weeks, months and probably years. Righteous and pious looking; she was in the prime of life. At the time, though, there had been only one thought in mind: a holy sacrament. The escape from the Penal-Ship, which was taking him to Penalton Planet, had been impulsive, sparked by the unexpected trouble among the Ship's officers. He'd grabbed the first basin, towels, bread and wine near him.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Cucumbers
Grace is an Unforseen Favor
God's kingdom is like an old neighbor who went out early in the morning to hire brown capuchin monkeys to clean his basement. They agreed on a wage of a meal of juicy cucumbers for a day’s work. And so they went to work.
Later, about nine o'clock, the old neighbor saw some other monkeys hanging around the jungle, unemployed. He told them to go to work in his basement and he would pay them a fair wage. They went.
He did the same thing at noon, and again at three o'clock. At five o'clock he went back and found still others hanging around. He said, “Why are you hanging around all day doing nothing?”
They said, “Because no one hired us.”
He told them to go to work in his basement.
When the day's work was over, the old neighbor called the monkeys in to pay them their wages; starting with the last hired and going on to the first.
Those hired at five o'clock came up and were each given a meal of sweet grapes. When those who were hired first saw that, they assumed they would get far more. But to their consternation, they got the agreed upon wage; a meal of juicy cucumbers. Taking the cucumbers, they groused angrily to the old neighbor, “Those last monkeys put in only one easy hour, and you just fed them a meal of sweet grapes while to us, who slaved all day in a dank basement, you only fed cucumbers.
He replied to the one speaking for the rest, “Friend, I haven't been unfair. We agreed on a meal of cucumbers, didn't we? So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the grapes. Can't I do what I want with my own fruit and vegetables? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous?”
So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen.
God's kingdom is like an old neighbor who went out early in the morning to hire brown capuchin monkeys to clean his basement. They agreed on a wage of a meal of juicy cucumbers for a day’s work. And so they went to work.
Later, about nine o'clock, the old neighbor saw some other monkeys hanging around the jungle, unemployed. He told them to go to work in his basement and he would pay them a fair wage. They went.
He did the same thing at noon, and again at three o'clock. At five o'clock he went back and found still others hanging around. He said, “Why are you hanging around all day doing nothing?”
They said, “Because no one hired us.”
He told them to go to work in his basement.
When the day's work was over, the old neighbor called the monkeys in to pay them their wages; starting with the last hired and going on to the first.
Those hired at five o'clock came up and were each given a meal of sweet grapes. When those who were hired first saw that, they assumed they would get far more. But to their consternation, they got the agreed upon wage; a meal of juicy cucumbers. Taking the cucumbers, they groused angrily to the old neighbor, “Those last monkeys put in only one easy hour, and you just fed them a meal of sweet grapes while to us, who slaved all day in a dank basement, you only fed cucumbers.
He replied to the one speaking for the rest, “Friend, I haven't been unfair. We agreed on a meal of cucumbers, didn't we? So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the grapes. Can't I do what I want with my own fruit and vegetables? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous?”
So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Klingons For Christ
January Workcamp
Purpose:
To provide an opportunity for persons to live and work on Kronos with Christians from the Klingon Empire.
What are we going to do when we get there?
Continue the construction of a secondary school. It's purpose is to provide continuous, quality education for its members. Participants must be willing to do physical labor, including masonary, carpentry, painting, wielding a bat'leth, and plastering. Construction experience is helpful, but not necessary. A willingness to interact with other workcampers and participate in activities is expected.
Will I have to live in a mud hut and eat gagh?
No, at least not most of the time. On the project you will live in dormitory style facilities with the Klingon workcampers (no private accommodations); other times you will be in guest houses and/or homes. Meals will consist of a variety of Klingon food and sometimes simple American food. You should come prepared for a culinary experience.
What is this all going to cost?
$ 2200.00*--This includes round-trip travel from the closest airport in the continental US and all living expenses while in Nigeria.
Completed applications are due by October 3, 2005
* This price is subsidized by the Global Mission Partnership office of the Church of the Brethren's General Board. This price is also subject to current airfare rates.
Purpose:
To provide an opportunity for persons to live and work on Kronos with Christians from the Klingon Empire.
What are we going to do when we get there?
Continue the construction of a secondary school. It's purpose is to provide continuous, quality education for its members. Participants must be willing to do physical labor, including masonary, carpentry, painting, wielding a bat'leth, and plastering. Construction experience is helpful, but not necessary. A willingness to interact with other workcampers and participate in activities is expected.
Will I have to live in a mud hut and eat gagh?
No, at least not most of the time. On the project you will live in dormitory style facilities with the Klingon workcampers (no private accommodations); other times you will be in guest houses and/or homes. Meals will consist of a variety of Klingon food and sometimes simple American food. You should come prepared for a culinary experience.
What is this all going to cost?
$ 2200.00*--This includes round-trip travel from the closest airport in the continental US and all living expenses while in Nigeria.
Completed applications are due by October 3, 2005
* This price is subsidized by the Global Mission Partnership office of the Church of the Brethren's General Board. This price is also subject to current airfare rates.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Bridge
Are You Religious?
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: “Stop. Don’t do it.”
“Why shouldn’t I?” he asked.
“Well, there’s so much to live for!”
“Like what?”
“Are you religious?”
He said, “Yes.”
I said, “Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?”
“Christian.”
“Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?”
“Protestant.”
“Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”
“Baptist.”
“Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”
“Baptist Church of God.”
“Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”
“Reformed Baptist Church of God.”
“Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?”
He said: “Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915.”
I said: “Die, heretic scum,” and pushed him off.
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: “Stop. Don’t do it.”
“Why shouldn’t I?” he asked.
“Well, there’s so much to live for!”
“Like what?”
“Are you religious?”
He said, “Yes.”
I said, “Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?”
“Christian.”
“Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?”
“Protestant.”
“Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”
“Baptist.”
“Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”
“Baptist Church of God.”
“Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”
“Reformed Baptist Church of God.”
“Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?”
He said: “Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915.”
I said: “Die, heretic scum,” and pushed him off.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
YogaBear
Another View of Yoga
 | It’s a practice you may know; Yoga; Yoga It’s a practice you may know; Yoga, Yoga, Aum Yoga, Yoga, Aum; Yoga, Yoga, Aum It’s a practice you may know; Yoga, Yoga, Aum When it’s done by a bear, he’s Yoga Yogi When it’s done by a bear, he’s Yoga Yogi Bear Yoga Yogi Bear; Yoga Yogi Bear When it’s done by a bear, he’s Yoga Yogi Bear When it’s done on Degobah, Yoda Yoga When it’s done on Degobah, Yoda Yoga it is Yoda Yoga it is; Yoda Yoga it is When it’s done on Degobah, Yoda Yoga it is. Some folks do not like yoga, Dunker Journal Some folks do not like yoga, Dunker Journal Blog Dunker Journal Blog; Dunker Journal Blog Some folks do not like yoga, Dunker Journal Blog |
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Gather Round
Gather 'RoundThe Gather 'Round curriculum project still has openings for writers for two curriculum units. Persons wishing to submit an application for the Preschool unit (ages 3-4, with tips for 2s) or the Multi-age unit (grades K-6, with suggestions for older students) may request an application packet. Accepted candidates must attend a writers' conference at Camp Alexander Mack on Jan. 8-12, 2006. Writing will begin in January. Deadline for applications is Nov. 1.
Brethren Press will begin catering to the more conservative Brethren with their new curriculum. Summer is over, but these book are good all year round: Summer Reading For True Christian Kids.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
BadGravity
Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose in the embattled Midwestern state of Kansas. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose in the embattled Midwestern state of Kansas. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Global Warming
Warming Up The Church
In a recently released study, Indur B. Goklany has found a direct relationship between increased global warming and homosexualism and the progressive church. "As global warming has increased, we have seen a corresponding increase of liberal Christianity." Goklany, who has been linked to oil companies' funding of environmental studies, claims that his critics are just cynically trying to avoid the discussion of the need for environmentalism. "Caring for God's creation is not only in the domain of the progressive Church. Conservatives and Evangelicals can feel good about being green."
In a recently released study, Indur B. Goklany has found a direct relationship between increased global warming and homosexualism and the progressive church. "As global warming has increased, we have seen a corresponding increase of liberal Christianity." Goklany, who has been linked to oil companies' funding of environmental studies, claims that his critics are just cynically trying to avoid the discussion of the need for environmentalism. "Caring for God's creation is not only in the domain of the progressive Church. Conservatives and Evangelicals can feel good about being green."
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Pining For Fjords
It's Not a Dead Spiral
Insuree: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(pause)
Insuree: 'Ello, Miss?
BBT: What do you mean "miss"?
Insuree: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
BBT: We're closin' for lunch.
Insuree: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this spiral what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
BBT: Oh yes, the, uh, the Brethren Medical Plan... What's,uh... What's wrong with it?
Insuree: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
BBT: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
Insuree: Look, matey, I know a dead spiral when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
BBT: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable spiral, the Brethren Medical Plan, idn'it, ay? Beautiful coverage!
Insuree: The coverage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
BBT: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Insuree: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the plan)
Insuree: 'Ello, Mister Medical Plan! I've got lovely fresh membership for you if you show...
(BBT hits the cage)
BBT: There, he moved!
Insuree: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
BBT: I never!!
Insuree: Yes, you did!
BBT: I never, never did anything...
Insuree: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO PLAN!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes plan out of the cage and thumps it on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Insuree: Now that's what I call a dead plan.
BBT: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Insuree: STUNNED?!?
BBT: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Brethren Medical Plans stun easily, major.
Insuree: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That plan is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
BBT: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Insuree: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
BBT: The Brethren Medical Plan prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable plan, id'nit, squire? Lovely coverage!
Insuree: Look, I took the liberty of examining that plan when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
BBT: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that plan down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Insuree: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this plan wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
BBT: No no! 'E's pining!
Insuree: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This plan is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PLAN!!
(pause)
BBT: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
BBT: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of plans.
Insuree: I see. I see, I get the picture.
BBT: I got a slug.
(pause)
Insuree: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it provide coverage?
BBT: Nnnnot really.
Insuree: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
BBT: Look, if you go to my brother's office in Bolton, he'll replace the plan for you.
Insuree: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!
Insuree: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(pause)
Insuree: 'Ello, Miss?
BBT: What do you mean "miss"?
Insuree:
BBT: We're closin' for lunch.
Insuree: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this spiral what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
BBT: Oh yes, the, uh, the Brethren Medical Plan... What's,uh... What's wrong with it?
Insuree: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
BBT: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
Insuree: Look, matey, I know a dead spiral when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
BBT: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable spiral, the Brethren Medical Plan, idn'it, ay? Beautiful coverage!
Insuree: The coverage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
BBT: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Insuree: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the plan)
Insuree: 'Ello, Mister Medical Plan! I've got lovely fresh membership for you if you show...
(BBT hits the cage)
BBT: There, he moved!
Insuree: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
BBT: I never!!
Insuree: Yes, you did!
BBT: I never, never did anything...
Insuree: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO PLAN!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes plan out of the cage and thumps it on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Insuree: Now that's what I call a dead plan.
BBT: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Insuree: STUNNED?!?
BBT: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Brethren Medical Plans stun easily, major.
Insuree: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That plan is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
BBT: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Insuree: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
BBT: The Brethren Medical Plan prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable plan, id'nit, squire? Lovely coverage!
Insuree: Look, I took the liberty of examining that plan when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
BBT: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that plan down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Insuree: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this plan wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
BBT: No no! 'E's pining!
Insuree: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This plan is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PLAN!!
(pause)
BBT: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
BBT: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of plans.
Insuree: I see. I see, I get the picture.
BBT:
(pause)
Insuree: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it provide coverage?
BBT: Nnnnot really.
Insuree: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
BBT: Look, if you go to my brother's office in Bolton, he'll replace the plan for you.
Insuree: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
KookyRobertson
More Troubles for Pat
While Pat Robertson is busy issuing apologies for his Venezuelan faux pas there's plenty hot water to be gotten into. One inexplicable act follows another and now he's in the hot seat for peddling an age-defying elixer.
The Association of Brethren Caregivers (ABC) and Brethren Press have announced that they have no plans to market a competing product and that the talk about the Granddaughter's Inglenook Miracle Drink is only a rumor.
While Pat Robertson is busy issuing apologies for his Venezuelan faux pas there's plenty hot water to be gotten into. One inexplicable act follows another and now he's in the hot seat for peddling an age-defying elixer.
The Association of Brethren Caregivers (ABC) and Brethren Press have announced that they have no plans to market a competing product and that the talk about the Granddaughter's Inglenook Miracle Drink is only a rumor.
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