Better Investing Through Chemistry

The so called "environmentally responsible" Brethren Benefit Trust has $179,000 invested in Dow Chemical Company which left an estimated 120,000 to 150,000 people chronically ill by a gas leak at a Union Carbide pesticide factory in India in 1984.

Interpreters Wanted

Las vistas en la interpretación bíblica se presentaron el 1 de noviembre en el Sur/la reunión Central del Distrito de Indiana por Graydon Snyder y Rick Gardner.

Store: Speak Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving

Signs of the Times

Has your church's sign been posted online?

Don't have a sign? Well, now you can make one.

Global Warming Could Affect Communion

Global warming may become a worldwide catastrophe, but at least the wine should be better.

Researchers from three universities have found that vintages improved as temperatures rose over the past 50 years, especially in areas with cooler climates.

Rah Rah Ree

rah rah ree,
kick 'em in the knee
rah rah rass,
kick 'em in the
other knee

Three cheers for protesters everywhere!

You Might Be a Fundamentalist If...

...if you are not amused when you click here.

Shall We?

Q: Why don't Brethren have sex standing up?
A: It might lead to dancing.

Da Do Ron Ron

He’s the peacemaker in Sudan
Haruun Ruun Ruun Ruun, Haruun Ruun Ruun
The Dinka and the Nuer live in that land
Haruun Ruun Ruun Ruun, Haruun Ruun Ruun

Yes, he's in the Sudan
Yes, they live in that land
And when we sing this song
Haruun Ruun Ruun Ruun, Haruun Ruun Ruun

He’ll get the Wallenberg Award on November 8
Haruun Ruun Ruun Ruun, Haruun Ruun Ruun
We think this Executive Secretary is really great
Haruun Ruun Ruun Ruun, Haruun Ruun Ruun

Yes, November 8
Yes, we think he's great
And let's all sing this song
Haruun Ruun Ruun Ruun, Haruun Ruun Ruun

apologies to fans of the Carpenters

General Board Buzzword Bingo

Just in time for General Board Meetings... Click here to get your Brethren buzzword bingo card.

Workcamp Assistant Sought

Because there are so many workcamps in the summer and only two BVSers to coordinate them, they are going to need some help. One assistant workcamp coordinator will be hired. They will spend a few weeks in Elgin helping to prepare for workcamps, and then travel to eight different workcamps all around the country.

You might be wondering what exactly this job entails. As Chris Douglas will tell you, "The job of the coordinators is to make it work. The job of the assistants is to help make it work." As an assistant workcamp coordinator, you could find yourself supervising a group of youth at a work project, providing support and encouragement to a workcamper who is going through a difficult time, grocery shopping, eating 2000 calories of Snickers, leading devotions, spending an evening in a hospital with a workcamper who broke her arm, or providing support and encouragement to an exhausted workcamp coordinator.

For more information on the roles and benefits of being a workcamp assistant as well as if you have any questions contact the Youth and Young Adult Office at cobyouth_gb@brethren.org or 800-323-8039

Economical Environmentalism

The Brethren Washington Office of Witness (WOW) has implemented the use of a revolutionary recycling technology. To witness the process for your self, load the paper of your choice into your printer and print page 4 of the latest Witness to Washington. You will readily notice that your paper has instantly become 20% post-consumer waste. Trees offer you their thanks. Please note that this item has been posted using soy based pixels.

The Devil Made Me Do It

After the flash on his camera malfunctioned, what did Satan get back from the drugstore?

It's Probably Just the Autumnal Equinox

Have you noticed a chill in the air? Are we getting closer to a freezing over of Hell? The BRF and the VOS have found common ground at last!

But, then again, maybe it's that free ice cream that NYAC registrants are being offered in January.

Mixed-up Reviews
A story of a Very sick tree.
by Paul Bunyan

Recent discussions in the COB-L listserv have centered on the topic of favorite books. One favorite mentioned was described as "seeming to advocate an extremely unhealthy relationship, in which one entity is always 'giving' and the other always 'taking'". The following article is reprinted from the April 1, 1996 issue of our very own Gospel Messenger.

------------
"Once there was a tree... and she loved a little boy." So begins a story of unforgettable perception, beautifully written and illustrated by the gifted and versatile Shel Silverstein.

But on closer examination this story turns out to be more about a sick relationship rather then a tender story aglow with consolation.

"As the boy grew older he began to want more from the tree, and the tree gave and gave and gave." This one-sided relationship is the very definition of codependency.

The selfish boy is bad enough. He crowns himself King of the forest and otherwise shows his selfish nature. There is no recognition that this tree is a part of God's holy creation. As an environmentalist, I was appalled by the boy's poor stewardship.

Starting off small as a boy with "give me your leaves" until, as an old man, he has taken everything from the tree. And what has the boy done in return? He did take his pocket knife and carve his initials into the tree not once but twice. Mostly it is a story of neglect; "the boy stayed away for a long time."

My major disappointment is with the tree. All this suffering and there is no sign of growth on the part of the tree. The tree is forever trying to recapture the time when the boy swung in her branches.

The boy grew older, but the tree stayed the same. Each time that the boy returned, the tree would ask the boy to swing from her branches. The tree never got past this point it their relationship.

What excuse does the tree have for this abuse? The book would have you believe that the tree loved the little boy. This is not a good model of love that we should be presenting to our impressionable children.

I was happy with this book… but not really.

Paul Bunyan is a lumberjack and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day. He cuts down trees; he eats his lunch; he goes to the lavatory. On Wednesdays he goes shopping, and has buttered scones for tea.

Mixed-up Reviews critiques books, films, and other products of the entertainment media that speak to Brethren, Sisters, or Orphans living out their faith. The reviews are not to be taken as the Gospel Messenger's endorsement, necessarily. Rather, we present them as helpful information for readers who encounter the subjects they treat.
------------

Addendum: Perhaps the giving tree was practicing nonresistance and it is the destination of trees to become stumps.

Life in Plastic, it's Fantastic

She's a barbie girl, in a barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic.
you can brush her hair, undress her everywhere.
Imagination, that is your creation. - Aqua

The big topics for the evangelical sector are sexuality, women pastors, biblical authority, and modest dress.

The BRF has declared Barbie dolls a threat to morality, complaining that the revealing clothes of the toy are offensive.

The Committee for the Propagation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice lists the dolls on a section of its Web site devoted to items deemed offensive.

"Barbie dolls, with their revealing clothes and shameful postures, accessories and tools are a symbol of decadence. Let us beware of her dangers and be careful," said a poster on the site.

The poster, plastered with pictures of Barbie in short dresses and tight pants, and with a few of her accessories, reads: "A strange request. A little girl asks her mother: Mother, I want jeans, a low-cut shirt, and a swimsuit like Barbie."

Such posters are distributed to schools and hung in the streets by the religious police. Vice police officials were not available for comment Monday.

"It is no problem that little girls play with dolls. But these dolls should not have the developed body of a woman, and wear revealing clothes," a spokesman said.

"These revealing clothes will be imprinted in their minds and they will refuse to wear the clothes we are used to," he said.

Other items listed as violations on the site included Valentine's Day gifts, perfume bottles in the shape of women's bodies, and decorative copies of religious items - offensive because they could be damaged and thus be an insult.

Come on Barbie, let's go party!

Comparative Religion

As a service to our readership, we provide this look into various religions' outlooks on life.

Agenda RIP

Next month marks the finale of a venerable Brethren institution as the October issue of the Agenda newsletter will be the final edition to be published. The newsletter serving 7,000 leaders of Church of the Brethren congregations has been in existence since October 1970. While its format has evolved over the years, its primary purpose has always been the same — to provide resources for local church leaders.

The church's financial struggles have claimed another victim but the silver lining to this cloud can be realized. A limited number of the October 2003 newsletter have been printed which means that they are bound to increase in value as collector items. Contact the Communications Office now to get your copies while they last. And be sure to store them in airtight containers to help them keep that hot off the presses look and feel.

Witness

Where's Witness?

With the recent waning of the General Board Witness Office, many among the Brethren are wondering how David Radcliff's shoes will be filled. Much of the program which were established under Radcliff's tenure will remain in place. But not to worry, an independent organization has borrowed liberally from the COB Witness web site and will be picking up the slack.

Taken for Granite

A solution has been worked out to the problem of displaying the 10 commandments in an Alabama courthouse. In an effort to not endorse Christianity as a state religion, a plan has been worked out where the courthouse display will be changed on a monthly basis. Displays representing the following religions will each have their own month to be displayed: Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Atheist, Hinduism, Wiccan/Pagan/Druid, Native American Religion, Baha'i, New Age, Sikhism, Taoist. So as to not disrupt the daily courthouse operations, displays will be changed under the cover of darkness, over night, following the precedent set when the original display was installed. The order in which the displays will be installed will be based on a random drawing.

Peace Church Colleges Launch "Prozac for Peace" Campaign

Three Indiana colleges affiliated with the three historic peace churches (Manchester College, Church of the Brethren; Goshen College, Mennonite Church; and Earlham College, Religious Society of Friends) unveiled yesterday their new campaign, "Prozac for Peace." Each Institution received a grant from the Lilly Endowment of Eli Lilly and Company, manufacturer of, among other drugs, the anti-depressant Prozac.

When reached for comment, the grant administrators at each college denied any conflict of interest in receiving funding from a major corporation to assist studies which include critical analysis of corporate control of society and government. An intern close to the situation commented, "And certainly we don't see it as them meddling with the church, either. After all, how often do worship and committee meetings really improve your mood any more these days? Our opinion is that the church needs Eli Lilly. The church needs Prozac. And quite frankly, so does the President. I mean, how happy can that guy really be, having to kill hundreds of thousands to show that killing is wrong? It's an enormous burden. I'd even go so far as to say that our president's enemies need it too, after so much loss. How else are they supposed to recover their spirit, living in such horrible times?"

Eli Lilly's PR staff, when asked if the President, his enemies and victims should take Prozac, replied, "If someone in unhappy in any way, we say to them, 'Here, have some Prozac.'" The colleges seem to have taken this attitude as their cue to launch the campaign, and each will offer a new, "groundbreaking" course next semester entitled "Mental Health and World Peace." The course will focus on peace from the microcosm of personal relationships in regards to race, gender, and class, and expand the focus from there to genocide and nuclear holocaust, and how Prozac can help "increase the peace." As one professor slated to teach the new course commented, "If everyone's happy, then there will be no conflict ever again. Prozac will revolutionize the entire application of peace building theory." A Brethren congregation torn apart by conflict over U.S. foreign policy served as a test subject for the "Prozac for Peace" program. The pastor said, "Prozac changed our lives."! One parishioner asked, "War? What's war?" Tests on government officials are still inconclusive.

Allegations that officials from the Mennonite Church USA met secretly with Eli Lilly's top staff to persuade them to test the Church of the Brethren's General Offices first in order to aid the Mennonite's possibility of hostile takeover of the denomination have yet to be confirmed. Similarly, the Church of the Brethren's Annual Conference Program & Arrangements Committee could not be reached for comment regarding the strong resemblance between the 2003 Annual Conference logo and Lilly's logo for their Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder medication, Strattera.

Bible Study - 2 Samuel 6:20

Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!

"When those gates go open wide, I am going to sit by Jesus side,
I am going to sing, I am going to shout 'Praise the Lord!'"

July 26-30, 2003
Greater San Diego Christian Sunbathing Association
Camp Closed to all visitors - gates lock

Survey Says...

Our sibling publication, Messenger magazine, has a online survey where readers (or anyone else) can post their opinions. We encourage respondants to answer question #6 with "I do not use e-mail or internet access." And for #21, tell them GM sent you.

Alway willing to jump on a band-wagon, The Gospel Messenger staff have exploited or bussword technology, and posted our own survey.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

Faced with growing administrative costs, of which salaries is an ever increasing component, the General Board is looking into creative measures to fill its future staffing needs. One such measure may be fulfilled by PPI which, as it expands its services, may be able to bulk up the numbers of administrative staff that the denominational headquarters has seen constantly shrinking. According to one General Board member, the savings in salaries and benefits alone will help fund expanded program and potentially allow some discontinued positions to be reopened. However, while such a move would not be expected to hurt the already negative image of leadership held by many in the denomination, it would very likely start a whole new dialog over the relative merits of evolution versus creationism.

Store: We Love Matt

Gospel Messenger Loves Matt Too

We don't know about everybody, but he does seem to have alot of people in his corner. The website's not online, but we've got the t-shirts in the GM store.