Just Pay More Attention Next Time

 

We Couldn't Decide

See Whether She Floats

“I saw Goody Lewis not social-distancing with the Devil!”

Awkward

Isaiah 55:2 - For That Witch is Not Bread

Why do you spend your money, for that witch is not bread? And your labor, for that witch does not satisfy?

Italian Scientists Acquitted of Culpability in Earthquake

Seven natural disaster specialists had previously been convicted of manslaughter for not being emphatic enough about the 2009 quake, which killed 309 people, but that conviction's been overturned by an appeals court.

At a special meeting held to calm anxious residents a week before the 6.3-magnitude quake hit, the panel concluded that it was "unlikely" that a big earthquake would follow the tremors, but also stressed that "there are no instruments to make forecasts."

The former deputy chief of Italy's civil protection authority, Bernardino de Bernadinis, told press at the time that there was "no danger" because the small shocks were acting to relieve seismic pressure.

Relatives of the victims claimed that such reassurances had persuaded many residents to remain in their homes, thus causing their death in the quake. The relatives took legal action against the experts, leading to their conviction.

They Think You're a Death Eater

It Gets Better

Covens and Convents

Nuns or Witches

Top 10

Ways NOT to Share Your Faith

1. Stand on the corner and scream “REPENT!” at others. If it didn’t work for Jeremiah the prophet, it won’t work for you.
   
2. Break into a public high school and shove gospel tracts into the lockers. Trust me on this. I’ve done it…seriously.
   
3. Wear a “Ready to die…ask me why” T-Shirt. I’ve done this too. It’s not effective, but it did scare people.
   
4. Go into a bookstore and secretly slip gospel tracts into all of the New Age/Witchcraft books. Have I done this? Maybe…okay, yes.
   
5. Put gospel tracts in the hands of the mannequins at J.C. Penneys. While it looks like the fashion dummy is offering the gospel tract it’s the real dummy that gets thrown out of the mall. Suffice it to say that I’ve met many security guards this way and they are nothing like the guy in “Mall Cop.”
   
6. Use fake $100 dollar bills with “the gospel” on them to get people excited that they found a $100 dollar bill and then get them ticked off when they realize that they didn’t.
   
7. Go on Christian television and offer the gospel as a way to get rich on earth. Does anybody have a barf bag?
   
8. Sky dive from 3,000 feet into an outdoor Atheist’s convention with “John 3:16″ painted on your parachute.
   
9. Yell out “I love Jesus how ’bout you?” in the middle of class.
   
10. Any kind of Christian bumper sticker (especially if you’re a bad driver!)

However...

Religion Commparison

A Comparison Of Religious Theories

• 7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
  
• Agnosticism - It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.
  
• Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
  
• Anglican - They were our toys first.
  
• Apathy - Toys? Why do I need toys?
  
• Apostolic Faith (Oneness Movement) - There is only one toy, and it is in our church.
  
• Assembly of God -It doesn't matter how you play with the toys as long as more people join in with you.
  
• Atheism - There is no toy maker.
  
• B’Hai - All toys are just fine with us.
  
• Baptist - Once played, always played.
  
• Branch Davidians - He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
  
• Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins.
  
• Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
  
• Church of Christ - He whose toys make music, loses.
  
• Church of Christ, Scientist - We are the toys.
  
• Church of Scientology - Toys ‘R’ Us.
  
• Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to the opposite of heaven if we catch you selling ours.
  
• Confusianism - Once a toy is dipped in water, it is no longer dry.
  
• Crystal Cathedral - There are no bad toys, and no bad toy players.
  
• Evolutionism - The toys made themselves.
  
• Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination.
  
• Greek Orthodox - No, they were OURS first.
  
• Hari Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins.
  
• Hedonism - To heck with the rulebook. Let’s play!
  
• Hinduism - He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.
  
• Jehovah's Witnesses - He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
  
• Liberalism - I feel good playing with toys, don't you? That is why I know I am going to heaven
  
• Lutheranism -- We are justified by toys alone through play (and not by work, lest anyone should boast).
  
• Methodist - Toys are toys are toys.
  
• Mormonism - Every boy may have as many toys as he wants.
  
• Name-it-Claim-it - I have toys. I have toys. I have toys. I have toys. I have toys. I have toys. I have toys.
  
• Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them.
  
• Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins.
  
• Polytheism - There are many toy makers.
  
• Presbyterian- These toys were chosen for you to play with and these were chosen for me to play.
  
• Republicans - If you don't repeal this tax on all toys, you will go to hell.
  
• Taoism - The doll is as important as the dump truck.
  
• Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second...
  
• Witchcraft - Toy making is killing our Earth Goddess.
  
• Word of Faith - Send me $100 and I will tell you "How you TOO can have more toys."